It's time to change.

Thought everything is starting to change to what I always wanted. But I guess not. Few years back, things been changing since I got held back due to many reasons but mainly it was because I did badly in one of my semester. Friends moved on, I got held back. I have learn a lot from that failure. That things are not easy anymore, things are not so simple as what I thought, it was practically a wake up call. At that very moment, I know who will always have faith in me, be there for me, and who are my true friends. The friends that always support you and not just by ' don't worry and all ' . It was more than just words. There was an old saying, ' actions speak louder than words'.

I have worked hard as I have faith in myself that I can do it. Finally it was proven. Though my study journey is not ended yet, but it has been a great achievement for me for this semester. I have proven myself that I'm not incapable to achieve such results. Many think that I will definitely not able to make it through with flying colors but I did. 3 P papers and OBU. I'm really thankful that God bless me and be there for me, and trust me. very thankful. I can finally say RIGHT INTO YOUR FACE BAYBEH, LOOK DOWN AT ME SOMEMORE LA ! Of course I didn't say that to anyone, but you know what I mean right ? =)

Besides this studies part, the main reason I feel like ranting was, I feel that I'm just nobody to anyone. Even to some people that I care most. It's just sad and should I say disappointment over myself ? I'm invisible to some people. I'm just a person to look for when they need my help but nothing more. When you need a ride, I most of the time say Yes. When you want some company, I will try to make time for you. But this is what I get in return ? It wasn't sincere at all. Is this how friendship is ? Is friendship this fragile ?

I know some who are reading this might think I'm just overly sensitive or I'm just some sad fella. So what if I'm sensitive ? I will just change and stop being too nice.

You know, few days back, I was reading my old messages that stored in my phone, some are just funny, touching and memorable that I cannot delete it. Especially the ones I was admitted to hospital for my appendicitis. Some came to visit and made me in pain (cuz of laughing too much) and also some couldn't but sms-es me all the time to accompany me. (You know who you are.love)

I realize that I have few issues with friends. Although we work things out, but it just got me unconsciously thinking if I'm really the problem one. Or am I just being too shallow in certain things ? Thinking life is very simple but in fact the world is so complicated.

After some emo-ing moment plus listening to emo songs, just makes thing worst. BUT suddenly a close friend messaged. He messaged at the perfect moment. He is one person that I can really talk to. Unfortunately, he is not around. The people I truly love and care most are all around the world ! New York, Melbourne, Perth, Auckland. Please come back soon. I need hugs from you.

I'm getting tired of this. I will change. It is time to change and stop letting people making full use of me.